The holiday season is quickly approaching and while spending an evening surrounded by family and friends celebrating can be a joyous time it can also be a big pain in the butt if you happen to be the lucky host. Don’t get me wrong, you love seeing everyone together and having fun, heck you probably even volunteered to be the host so you would have an excuse to use your nice china set this year. But that doesn’t mean you are not absolutely exhausted by the end of the meal. After all your day started around five AM with your hand shoved up the back end of a turkey while everyone else relaxed and drank the day away. The last thing you want to do is stay up and entertain guests for another three hours. Luckily, you don’t have too! Here is a list of a few tips for telling your Thanksgiving guests it’s time to go home in a slightly passive aggressive manner ensuring that you ladylike vibe is still exuded but with a side of spitfire.
Tip One: Hit the Hay
One way to convey the hint that it’s time for your guests to scram is by beginning your normal night routine while they are still there. Start small by changing into your pajamas. If no talk of leaving comes up, begin throwing in a few yawns throughout conversation. If your guests are still content with staying make a show of beginning to set alarm clocks and turning off various lights throughout the house signaling bed time. If all that didn’t make them get the hint it may be time to try something a little more drastic. I recommend giving yourself a before bed facial. Nothing makes other people uncomfortable faster than when you have conversation with them while covered in a mud mask.
Tip Two: Manual Labor
A simple way to get rid of house guests without seeming rude is to threaten manual labor. After the meal is over get up from the table while saying something along the lines of, “This was another wonderful Thanksgiving, but you should all escape before I put you to work cleaning up the kitchen.” This scheme works even better if you have your children and or significant other in on it and have them groan and mutter to your relatives about how much of a dictator you are about cleaning and that they also wish they could leave.
Tip Three: Cut the Cable
This may be the most tricky way to get your house empty but it is also surefire to work. Turn off the power switch or outlet that is connected to your cable box. Without football to watch the husbands will become antsy with only their wives storytelling to keep them entertained. It shouldn’t take but a few minutes of “lady talk” before the men will start gathering their stuff and urging their family to head home where they can finish watching the game.
Tip Four: Closing Time
If the group really isn’t getting the hint and you’re finding yourself entering into an exhaustion induced rage it may be time to leave the more gentle approaches behind and be direct. Although, you still don’t want to appear ungrateful as I am sure that will become the story re-told at many a family gathering to come, and nobody wants that. So why not go for the approach that seems to be a classic indication it is time to leave ever since its release in 1998. That’s right, I am talking about “Closing Time” by Semisonic. Hook up your phone or iPad into the speaker system, open up Spotify, find the song, press play and turn the volume on full blast. This approach is direct with the song’s opening lyrics, “Closing time – you don’t have to go home but you can’t stay here,” as well as being an end of the night classic. It should get your guests out of your house all while laughing at your sassy creativity.
